Thursday, October 16, 2014

Change

CHANGE
So there’s this thing I hate. It’s called change. I don’t like it. We are not friends. We’ve never really been friends. I can’t even say it’s a love/hate relationship. Nope, it’s just good ol fashion hate. The only change I’m good with is when it comes to clothes, shoes, weight loss, you know the superficial shit.  I wish I could say it’s because of some deep rooted issue from childhood, but it’s not. I’m just basically brat and like what I like. Change screw things up.
I’m not the fastest learner so when I get use to something, why does the world have to go and f@#k with me. Like when they discontinued my favorite eyebrow pencil. Like it wasn’t bad enough learning how to draw those bad boys on and not look like a black sharpie attacked my face or I was wearing the McDonald's arches across my forehead. But there was also the shade issue. HELLO EYEBROW MAKEUP MAKERS, light brown should not be orange or that weird burgundy brown. That was a cluster f@#k I never thought I would get through. Serious life crisis people! I still have nightmares. If you don’t believe me, just check out pics from my early 20’s. Sadly, this was a battle my dear Mother never won. Her brows were always three shades to light and nowhere close to a natural shape.
So you get my drift, it sucks. So to all you people out there that say “embrace it”, screw you my friend, screw you!  Just think how much better life would be if change didn't affect everything. Your boobs would still be perky, squats would not be a nightly chore, and all those lines and huge pores would not haunt your world very morning while applying the latest and greatest miracle cream.

P.S. Cindy Crawford, I HATE YOU. Not really, I love you but your infomercials annoy me. We get it. You’re beautiful. You don’t age! Is it really fair that you have to be the first thing I hear and see at 3:00 am as I’m taking my nightly stroll to the bathroom. 

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